Revolutionise your pathetic little life with the mighty tenets of post-reasonabilism! The only school of philosophy to combine art, science and sound business sense to make God work for you!
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Post Reasonabilism ™ ‘The Philosophy That Chooses You’
Congratulations, and thank you for choosing Post Reasonablism ™. You have taken the first step to becoming. Your old life is over. Don’t wait, holding this magazine, run out into the road. Do it now. Good. Gaze into the brightness of the Sunday afternoon sun. It is a metaphorical apple, ready to feed your hunger for truth. Open your mouth. Nom nom nom. Go back inside. Disrobe. I’ll wait. Mmmm. You are magnificent. Bathe in a ritual, yet modest manner. Don your favourite snuggie, slanket, or off brand comforter. Pour yourself a large scotch, or non-alcoholic scotch. Sit in your favourite Eames chair. Begin.
Lots of people have written entertaining nonsense for this magazine. That’s not my job. I’m here to sell you something. A few years ago I discovered philosophy was wrong. Gathering some of the brightest minds in history, I resolved to right this wrong. I created Post Reasonabilism ™. Today my friends struggle in the urineium mines to fund the cause. I applaud their sacrifice.
What I Learned
We go about our lives – unthinking and unguided, while the work of the greats: Rand, Robespierre, Yung-il, molders unread in old-fashioned libraries. Meanwhile, zealots in the field of commie propaganda known as ‘science’ continue their unholy march toward a ‘theory of everything’. Everything smeverything!
A working theory of everything might provide some insights into the initial state conditions of a pre-big bang meta-universe. But will it tell you how to live? How to get laid? How to be rich, not only in money, but also jewels and shares?
For this we must turn instead to the Philoscience of Post Reasonabilism ™. And there are so many ways to pay. Our courses are available as 800 convenient Blu-rays, 10,00 CD audio books, or in the form of an 18 month ‘relearning experience’ in Crimea. This technology will make you a warlord in the boardroom, a slumlord in the bedroom.
Post Reasonabilism ™ is a programme of rigorous philosophical insight, based on ancient secret teachings. It answers all of life’s questions and solves all of life’s problems: Crop circles, Area 33 1/3, the miscegenation of man through matings with Yeti. Today – for a small but compulsory contribution, I will outline the basics of this final and complete philosophical programme.
What is Post Reasonabilism ™?
Wiser than philosophy, truer than religion, Post Reasonabilism ™ explains art, epistemology, the good life, and the nature of God and why he hates you. Contemporary art provides entertainment, classical art beauty. Art should reflect reality. Look around you. What do you see? Speed, violence, pollution. Clean hard commerce is the only honest art.
The best decisions are hard, therefore hard decisions are best. Walt Disney Knew this. It’s why he betrayed his animators to the McCarthy Tribunals. Those men were softs who’d rather paint Bambi and suck the commie teat than defend capitalism – softs!
Nature is the will of the universe. The nature of man is to defeat nature. ‘God’ is the source of failed deceit. Since man’s destiny is to defeat nature, his war extends to heaven. Instead of worshiping the deceiving demon, we must make him our slave. But man is a dung beetle – a futile insignificant drone. How can an insect enslave god? Simple! Through the disillusion of objective perception, otherwise known as bureaucracy. While God is busy with his paperwork we can begin making history.
All historic events share two qualities. They are so rare as to be unpredictable, and they always make things worse. The death of der Fuehrer, Obamacare, iPhone 6. No one could have predicted these disasters. Since we can neither predict nor prevent it, we must knock history off its wicked course with our own manmade disasters. Post Reasonabilmen worldwide are hard at work on Research Project T.B.B. The Biggest Bomb, when completed, will destroy the known universe, humbling that jerk God once and for all.
Co-Founder and Benign Dictator for Life,
Post Reasonabilism ™ International
End-user license agreement
By reading this, you’ve shown your support for Post Reasonabilism, and agreed to the conditions set out forthwith. I envy you… You and your children for the next twenty generations have agreed to labour for the great cause in the urineium mines of Zanthar.
This article is not free, it is provided at a small but compulsory fee of eighty eight euro, weekly, over eighty eight weeks, all hail Zanthar, payable to Cynique Marketing, 30/32 Sir Buck Rogerson’s Starport, Dublin 82, NuIreland.