Richard Dawkins Expelled from Magic Circle

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Professor Richard Dawkins, evil? Yes

02/04/10

AP Press Release

In the grandiloquent rhyming scheme that is their signature, the Magic Circle, the world’s leading public association of chartered men of wand and cape, have announced the dismissal of one ‘Afredo the Munificent’, aka Richard Clinton Dawkins PHD.

Dawkins, author of such books as Deal With This, ‘God’ and Taste It! Dark Fury of Science Recipe Book, and long one of the groups most vocally outspoken doers of inexplicable trickery, has yet to respond publicly to his exclusion.

In their statement – issued from an ancient grimoire bound in the base hide of the last dragon, the circle described how Dawkins had, quote…

“Bled the fools of their belief,
the better to ensnare them,
then wily stomached those sweet meats
of lost deserted sermons”

The possessed tome – which appeared in a black flame that did not burn, blinding all who beheld its inestimable dark, seems to have confirmed what many in the organised faiths had long suspected: Dawkin’s much publicised promotion of atheism has been a thinly veiled satanic plot.

Another section of the Circle’s statement – whispered to our Religion, Tooth Decay and Varnished Balalaika Editor, Muppet Christmas Carol, by an intern who has since clawed out his eyes and carved into his chest a sigil that glows as though by the light of a thousand dying suns – confirms this.

“And low he seeks to usher in,
with bearing smug and arseish grin,
that dog who would consume the day,
the beast that doth define naughty”

Astute readers will remember this is not the first time the magic circle have publicly expressed their discontent. Twelve years ago British warlock Sir Paul Daniels was forced out, after he voluntarily married a woman resembling a skinned marmoset. More recently, notoriously ‘blue’ Vegas duo Penn Jillette and Raymond Teller were expelled for being cunts.

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