Doctor Scientist Defeats: Heartbreak

Jesus Notes: I’ve written what may be the worlds nerdiest joke. A joke so dweebish, it was necessary to learn the mathematical scripting language Latex in order to tell it. There follows the joke.

Renowned expert Doctor Scientist has developed a methodology to precisely calculate the duration required to return to a base level of existential agony after the collapse of a long term relationship. Here it is, the sum henceforth to be known as Doctor Scientist’s Achy Breaky Equation.

the_heart_break_equation

Which is to say that likely time required for psychosexual mourning is equal to relationship duration L, divided by a constant G, divided amount of previous long term relationships previously endured P, minus a binary D, defined as the the truth value of the statement ‘I was dumped’; multiplied by the sum of partner deviations from the established boundaries of relationship fidelity CP, divided by the sum of ones own infractions C; where G varies depending on the gender to which the equation is applied, G = 3 for men, G = 6 for women.

With this simple equation, doctors can accurately prescribe the requisite levels of antidepressants and or institutional supervision necessary to ride out the period (roughly T / 3) till the consumption of non icecream based foods can be safely resumed.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s