Diary of a Dublin Sex Man 3: Manu Negra

sex-man-3

Previously on Dublin Sex Man: Part 1, Part 2

Monday 8PM

Working on Capel St. It’s not so bad, we get a staff discount – 30% on toys, 17% on porno. Feel a bit like that young one with the cancer in Fight Club, ‘I have lubricants and sex aids, but can’t find anyone to have sex with me’. Give you a laugh, Terry C. (me manager) has a great whiz for when creeps or coppers come in the shop. We slap on a CD by this Latin salsa fella Manu Chao, and away they go. Bought the album for the flat.

Tuesday 3AM

Have to be quiet typing this, the couple next door are having a ride! It started with an argument, but at this stage I’d say they’ve made up. The sweet sounds of love making bring back memories of happier times. Playing X-Box with the lads, while Louis Fitzsimons chewed on Niamh’s muff in the next room. Filming Niamh’s first time with two lads, me hands almost dropping the camera with giddyness! Watching my darling wife flirting with the lady lord mayor of Dublin, la di da. Niamh darlin’, I miss you.

Wednesday 3.16PM

For a second I was sure Niamh had come in the shop. Me heart was beating like an egg. But it was just the wind.

Wednesday 4.22PM

A priest arrived in. Was sure he was going to load up on Barely Legal Lads and Behind Bars with Bears DVD’s from the mano-a-mano section. But he just gave out to me for a bit, and left a packet of rosary beads and a mass missive.

Thursday 7PM

Got given out to by Terry. I was watching MTV in the shop when I should have been playing a rude film. Not too keen on the new Kelly Clarkson record, never would have flown in the hospital! Speaking of hospitals, had a bit of trouble weeing this afternoon, and I haven’t had any action in months. Could be me age. Still, do no harm to get the brolley up me japseye at St James’, to be sure.

Friday 3PM

Big news, I’ve a date for the weekend! Grand big Nigerian lassy came in the shop for a set of beads. For a joke I threw in one of the roserys for free. Well she only loved it! Turns out she’s mad into the old believing in god and all that. We are heading to mass together this Sunday. Praise the lord!

Saturday 11PM

Had a bit of a panic this morning. Realised I didn’t have anything nice to wear for the service tomorrow. Had to watch one of me Pitch and Putt videos to calm down. Away to the Irish Cancer, and I am the proud owner of a lovely cobalt suit. I’d say a man died in it, it has that feel. I hope they have singing and dancing at the coloured church!

Sunday 4PM

Adebomi didn’t come to collect me. She probably got me directions mixed up, and I’m not allowed a mobile since the court case, so she couldn’t call. Still, I look fine in my beautiful new suit, and there’s a Bond on the tele. JD and James B, can’t beat that for a cocktail.

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