A nun describes moment Gerry Ryan beat her with a billyclub and urinated on her hair as “the scariest thing I’ve ever had to endure”. The horrifying attack took place on the North Circular Rd last Wednesday eve, just as the night drew in and the birds scattered to the trees. Sister Jemima Puddleduck was walking home from her work at the St Cubbins Day Centre, when Mr Ryan, the beloved, lonely, Gerry Ryan Show host, jumped from behind a bush where he had been crouching in a state of high arousal.
“His eyes, his cold dead eyes…”
Ryan knocked the old oul one to the pavement with a swipe of his club, then set about beating her ferociously. When challenged by passers-by the RTE star turned on them, pulling his genitalia out and singing a verse from the Micky Averlon classic ‘My Dick’. He then proceeded to urinate onto Sis. Jemima’s long golden locks.
Mr Ryan refused to comment on the story directly, with a lawyer issuing this statement a few hours later; “Listen, I’ve had it with you proddy student dicks. If you
print this bollix I’ll fucking sue your ass to the wall. Got it? Anyway, that bitch nun was asking for it.”Mentalist Nun Beater: Ryan