Dublin’s Favourite Drinking Holes

jesus

MULLIGANS

Pithy hovel treasure trove for faces old. Mulligans provides a warmly glimpse into James Joyce’s directory Ulysses, where rich old mahogany and pointless
men sit to wonder how it all slipped away.

Rating: Two Harps and a tug.

CAFÉENSEINE

As mentioned in James Joyce’s Ulysses, Kafka Ennui reveals itself to be an overdressed French prostitute, teaming with miserables and minor Irish celebrities, drinking their minor drinks, with their minor friends- avoid like the plague from which you were birthed.

Rating: One green, whorish fairy.

REDS

Pederastic, nubilean Utopia of Ulysses fame, written by James Joyce.

Rating: A counter full of shorts, neat and vulnerable.

GROGANS

The well kicked Dearths and manikin Hipsters frequent Grogan’s with insatiable simplicity. Referenced in Derrida’s Ulysses, Grogs is the kingdom
of the broken mods.

Rating: Three peanuts floating face downward in an unfinished, unloved pint.

THE PAV

Garish toss-fucks guzzling Bavvies, grunting lavishly and conversing loudly when one tries most ardently to hear Johnny Giles. But you cannot hear him. For you are outnumbered here, as everywhere in Trinity, by the meat-heavy witless mass. Wonderfully caricatured in James Joyce’s Ulysses.

Rating: Fucks.

DOYLES

If you come here, even if it is because it figures heavily in James Joyce’s Ulysses, is will extinguish your remaining vestments of self love. Believing you can make a heaven of this hell, you will kiss that monstrous friend on the ballroom floor, the land of the damned. Never talk to her again. Sobz.

Rating: Inevitable, you will, yes you will, yes.

GOVINDA’S BAR AND GRILL

New pub and steakhouse located in Smithfield for the ever popular Indian restaurant. Govinda’s Bar and Grill, parodied at length in Lord Angus Joyce’s Ulysses, has an enormous carvery of the uncommon meats Cynomy and Gallic Hen. Much chat about the gravies. Beer is foamy and alcoholic.

Rating: Twice round the gooseberry bush, bound to be a favourite of that crowd over threes.

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