In the name of Christ* Shut the Fuck Up!

*plus other assorted superheroes, talking clouds, invisible beings and Oprah

dermotahern_163045t

Dearest Dermot,
(dermot@dermotahern.ie, dermot.ahern@oireachtas.ie)

I would like to congratulate you for your excellent use of the tax payers resources and your own energy with your proposed new blasphemy law. By Christ’s Hairless Taint, this is the best thing I’ve heard of in a long time. Already this country lags far behind any normal standard of freedom of speech, and with your help we should fall even further back in the field.

I would love to know what prompted the sudden need to tighten up on blasphemy. Have too many people been yelling “Ram Allah up your arse, Ahern!” at you in the street? Or perhaps is this a bone to throw the god-bothers in exchange for a little less public criticism of some of you policies? Or was this simply motivated by your genuine worry and pity for all those offended by Father Ted, Dogma and South Park?

Also, please do not consider what constitutes a religion. Will Buddhism, which philosophically doesn’t particularly adhere to the standard religious model, be included? If so, will other similar belief structures- Marxism, Spinozaism, Onanism- be protected also? How about some of the older religions, like the Rightful and Holy Worship of the Great Lord Baal, which are currently unpopular, but still need your valued protection? What will the status of cults be? Will we be able to warn against Scientology and others on the lunatic fringe? How many challenges in the courts are you expecting?

I would encourage the you to push through this frankly unnecessary and potentially harmful legislation with all haste, and ignore the need to re-affirm the rights of everyone in Ireland to free speech. Some might say that currently our libel laws are a total disgrace and that perhaps you should be re-writing these, rather than polishing the swollen glands of some god-pimp, but these people are total idiots, bereft of reason, god and a decent dry-cleaners.

Keep fighting the good fight,

Yours sincerely

Andrew Booth,
Editor
Piranha! Magazine
TCD

PS, Twenty Majors funnier response; here.

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6 thoughts on “In the name of Christ* Shut the Fuck Up!

  1. I am very glad the Irish state is diverting so much brains, time and money into what is a much needed anti blasphemy law.
    It is of course clearly obvious to anyone that all of Ireland’s current problems stem from too much blaspheming.
    There are of course cynics who say that Ireland is in the shape it’s in because of a lazy, stupid, incompetent government only interested in appeasing the cronies and fat cats, while desperately trying to work out what bullsh*t they might tell the dumb schmucks who vote for them to just fool the enough to vote for them one more time.
    That all the money was drained away to a handfull of bankers, developers and builders who got insanely rich and now crawl back to you, cap in hand, for a handout to stuff under their matress.
    But they’re just nuts.
    It’s blasphemy and we all know it.
    That’s why I decided to join The Holy Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster and will vigilantly observe the media and public for any hint of anything said against this most Holy and Sacred institution.
    I am looking forward to make full and ample use of Irelands way underused court system (they don’t seem too busy now) to bring perpetrators against my beloved and holy church to full justice and pursue them through the courts for as long as it takes.

  2. Jochen, thank you kindly for your comments. The first to hit our new site, before in fact it has been formally launched!

    As Christian Pathologists however, we have committed to eliminating the scourge of atheists, pagans, brown people who aren’t Christians, and women who refuse to not sleep with us, and instead choose to spend their Saturday evenings in the arms of some tosser called ‘Whoz’. Yeah I’m thinking of you Sandra, you slut!

  3. Actually, Longman Oz, Baal bought it in Stargate Continuum.
    The Goa’uld are a bit thin on the ground right now.
    Maybe some Ori survived?
    They also have Ways of dealing with nonbelievers.

  4. And your homework for tonight is to read “Small Gods” by Terry Pratchett.
    All is explained Therein.
    But if you’re more interested in the meaning of life and where we come from and where we go, I’d recommend the Hitch Hiker novels by Douglas Adams.
    If you’ve seen the TV show or the movie, forget it, you gotta read the book.

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