Ever tried necrophilia? You should, its a gas. I know what you’re thinking, ‘Why dig up some dead thing and fucking it? There are better lays with the living’.
Well I’ll tell you, because its great fun and bloody easy. You feel huge, really important. They can’t say or do anything against you, they’re dead, so you just pump away. You can do stuff you could never do with a livin’ – pump ’em in the ass, the eye, right out there in public. Yeah that’s right, do it in public, right on the Formica table top in your local dinner- its incredible. Plus no one will ever mess with you again after they see you desecrating a corpse just to get off – they know you’re capable of anything.

Lots of love, Richard